If one were to create a cologne distilled from the essence of Brooklyn, it would probably smell like arty hip-hop and skateboarders, and no one would ever ride the train to purchase it, unless it was somebody's birthday. Save yourself the trip, and just wear tees from a guy who both hops and 'boards, with Scumlife

Sheathing your unsightly torso with a gaggle of designs embracing New York's historically grimy subcultures, Scum's the product of BK-born renaissance man "Tone Tank", who, in addition to running a clothing line, is also a rapper, skate-punk scenester, and, because marble sculpture is sooooo played, creator of action figures. Recent tee drops include a recreation of the ubiquitous gate repair company stickers found on shuttered borough stores ("I just peeled and scanned one...added 'Scumlife' and didn't even change the phone number"); the text from GoodFellas' Morrie's Wig Shop ad; and a graphic of the Thundercats-esque action figure he designed, "Beast Hombre", of which he says "I printed these up because I liked the design and wanted it on a t-shirt" (clearly, a graduate of Ms. Lippy's art class). Classics include a Predator-like beast holding a gun next to the words "I Shoulda Killed You Yesterday", inspired by aggressive 1980s Times Square tourist tees; Mr. Met crossed with the "Thrashing Man" logo of punk rockers Dirty Rotten Imbeciles; and Scum's pit bull mascot bearing the Cheshire grin of the Coney Island pitchman -- while you're thinking of a hot dog joke, he'll maul your toddler

Beyond tees, you can sample Tone's dank beats by downloading cuts like "Tone Tank for Borough President", or peruse a blog filled with randomness like a vintage BluBlockers commercial taped on Venice Beach, a clip that saves you the trouble of flying all the way to LA, only to discover its essence reeks of a 400 pound street performer wearing a sombrero.