Lifestyle

Stairway To Hell

Maybe you made a resolution to "see more theater", but deep down you'd rather check out a vile metal tribute band than sit through an ass-numbing play. Enter Stairway to Hell -- a just-opened play about a vile metal tribute band. STH tells the tale of Warthog, the evilest cover band in the world -- until they're collectively incinerated onstage in a 15-megaton pyrotechnic explosion, then condemned to a drug-free Heaven by God's "Operation Rock & Awe" forgiveness campaign. Performed like a concert, the play focuses on Warthog's escape back to Earth for one final show that'll prove they're unfit for any place but Hell/West 21st Street. The actors themselves are ear-piercingly accomplished musicians, and much of the plot consists of them bashing through covers of Motorhead, Guns & Roses, Iron Maiden, etc (the drummer's actually A.J. Pero, known during his time in Twisted Sister as "The One Who Almost Doesn't Make You Want To Vomit"). There's no seating, just plenty of audience participation, trays of "cocaine" heaved offstage, and a "Whole Lotta Love"-style orgasmic moaning competition. The play'll run every Tuesday night, and at some point in the future, they're even expecting a guest appearance from Ozzy -- himself condemned to walk the Earth forever, or until such time as not even MTV can bear his shame.