What makes America great is all the people who've succeeded. What makes America funny is all the people who haven't. Saluting the failures: For Those Who Tried to Rock.
Compiled by a duo of bicoastal writers, Rock compiles anecdotal histories of short-lived, spectacularly mediocre high school rock bands in order to save them from the obscurity they so rightly deserve. Some lowlights:
Pogie Brown, L.A., 2002: According to FTWTR, this quartet's lyrics "were the stuff of legend, with songs such as 'Jesus was a nice boy' and 'The Val Kilmer Song' garnering sufficient local following for them to play the Whisky A Go-Go, supporting My Sexual Dad" -- a band that, shockingly, was too legit to show up on this site.
Check the 2002 non-hit "Jesus Was a Nice Boy"
Only One, New Jersey, 1995: Named after a Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School gym teacher who'd deduct one grade point for rules infractions, this central Jersey band consisted of Tom ("now a University Database manager") and Eric, "now golf department manager at a Sports Authority in NJ" -- ironic band name, meet ironic career choice.
Relive the 90s magic with 'Now You'd Say' on YouTube.com
Til Two, Berkeley, 1987: Disbanded after only one show, this erstwhile NorCal band was almost named The Courtney's Ready, in reference "to a tabloid column about Courtney Cox and her 'readiness' to play sluttier roles after Family Ties" -- a career strategy that ultimately led to her boinking Jim Carrey before an audience of capuchin monkeys. Kudos.
Sadly, no audio evidence of this band's existence remains
Because this stuff is too tragic to be made up, Rock relies on submissions from readers like you -- a content strategy that unfortunately ignores the third leg of America's Tripod of Greatness: our sublime laziness.