If you're enjoying Cinco de Mayo in Central Park, you might consider ditching the Park and embarking on this tour of free Upper East wine tastings. Just a thought.
Start: 4pm Premier Cru Wine Merchants (2-5pm) 1200 Madison Ave, between 87th and 88th; 212.534.6709 Wines from Bordeaux, a.k.a., the Wine Capitol of the World (sorry, MadDogville). PremierCruWine.com
4:20pm Best Sellers (3-6pm) 1291 Lexington Ave, between 86th and 87th; 212.426.4200 4-5 wines, varieties to be decided frantically at 2:59pm. BestCellars.com
4:40pm Vintage Grape (4-7pm) 1479 3rd Ave, between 83rd and 84th; 212.535.6800 Instead of wine, VG's hosting a high-end tequila tasting to honor General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguin's 1862 victory over the French. And to get their customers hooked on pricy tequila.
5pm The Wine Shop (5-8pm) 1585 1st Ave, between 82nd and 83rd; 212.517.2550 TWS prides itself on its high "QPR" (quality-to-price ratio) -- irrelevant during their tasting, since any number divided by zero is undefined. WineShopNYC.com
5:20pm Yorkshire Wines & Spirits (4-7pm) 1646 1st Ave, at 85th; 212.717.5100 A selection of wines from Remy Pannier -- the Remo Williams of France's Loire Valley. YorkshireWines.com
5:40pm Park East Wine & Spirits (4-7pm) 1657 York Ave, at 87th; 212.534.2093 Patron Anejo, Silver, and Reposado. If a second tequila tasting's too much for you there's a bodega on the corner selling Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper and tampons
6pm East 87th St Wine Traders (5-10:30pm) 1693 2nd Ave, 1st Fl, near 88th; 212.369.1822 The Traders are pouring a bottle of red and a bottle of white -- which one you go with will depend on the whims of your 24-year-old trophy wife.
6:20pm Wine Lovers (6-11pm) 1752 2nd Ave, between 91st & 92nd; 212.831.9463 To be decided, though by this point in the evening, it really won't matter.
It's easy to get lost while drinking. So, print out this map.