Food & Drink

5 Liquor Imposters to Toast Melania Trump’s RNC Speech

Marc Nozell/Flickr

On the first night of the 2016 Republican National Convention Melania Trump, wife of the Republican party’s presidential nominee, took the stage and gave what was probably the highest profile speech of her life. Afterwards, she was criticized by many for what they saw as similarities between parts of her speech and the one Michelle Obama gave during the 2012 Democratic Convention.

We at Supercall are taking our usual stand on such matters: We hold a deep and abiding belief that everyone should relax and have a drink. Besides, it’s not like the alcohol industry hasn’t had its fair share of fakers. In honor of the fracas, here are some of the most notorious fakes from the liquor and cocktail world.

Fake Booze

Though it’s technically illegal for individuals to resell alcohol, the internet has (as with so many terrible things) made it easy to get away with. For example, an underground alcohol trading group was recently shut down on Facebook for trading in rare bottles, and there are doubtless others operating in dark electronic alleyways. If you’re tantalized by the prospect of scoring a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle 23 Year Old for a mere $500, know that the juice in that bottle is almost certainly fake. While we’d all like to think we can tell the difference between Beam and Pappy from the taste, you’d be surprised at how much appearance can affect your perception. And guess what’s perfectly legal to sell on eBay: empty bottles of Pappy Van Winkle.

Most Drinks with “Tini” at the End of Their Name

Just because it’s in a Martini glass, doesn’t make it a Martini. A classic Martini is made with gin and vermouth. On the other hand, an Appletini, for example, is made with vodka, apple schnapps and unicorn tears. Rather than clear, dry and refreshing, it’s bright green and sweet enough to rot an Oompa Loompa’s teeth. The Appletini is only one in a long line of ‘tinis, which includes the Chocotini, the Lycheetini and the Ohscrewitlet’sjustcallitasugartini. We’re not saying it’s impossible to make an authentic variation on the Martini or that sweet drinks are wrong. Just that they should be called something else.

Fake Johnny Walker Black

Whiskey is extremely popular in India, and Johnny Walker Black Label is one of scotch’s most venerated brands. Given those two facts, it makes sense that Black Label would be rampantly popular in the curry capital of the world. In fact, it was so popular in the 1980s that journalist Vir Sanghvi says, “More Johnny Walker Black Label was consumed in India than was produced in Scotland.” If that sounds impossible, it’s because it is. In one of the world’s most notorious cases of liquor impersonation, a nationwide counterfeiting scheme meant that in the 1980s, if you ordered Black Label, you probably got something entirely different.

Daiquiris in New Orleans

A real Daiquiri is made with lime juice, sugar, ice and rum. If you buy one on the streets of New Orleans, however, it’s more likely to be made with fruit flavoring, ice and grain alcohol. We’re not mad about this—it takes some strong medicine to beat the NOLA heat—we’re just sticklers for calling a thing what it is.

Hand Grenades Outside of New Orleans

We recently covered the case of a bar in Wilmington, North Carolina, serving something they called a Hand Grenade. The Hand Grenade, however, is the heavily defended trademark of New Orleans bar empire Tropical Isle, whose owners don’t look too kindly on people appropriating their signature drink. The two companies are in the midst of their second court battle over the drink. Legal issues aside, if someone tries to sell you a radioactive looking cocktail in a plastic cup that looks like a bong had a baby with an alien, and you’re not in NOLA, contact the cocktail police immediately.