Maybe we're just not hearing the other side, but listening to your elders is awfully appealing when you're limiting yourself to centenarians with great ideas. There's 107-year-old Mariano "Pops" Rotelli, who recommends you have a little whiskey in the morning. There's 102-year-old Mildred Bowers, whose sage advice reads, simply, "Have a beer." And there's 109-year-old Grace Jones, who thinks whiskey will preserve you.
Talucci, who goes by Connie and had her 99-year-old younger sister in attendance at the celebration, joins that brilliant chorus. Don't worry, Connie, your advice has been heard and it couldn't have come at a better time. Untold scores of people were just about to make the potentially fatal mistake of choosing a new diet for their New Year's resolution. Disaster averted.