Amazon Is Buying Whole Foods and Everyone Is Cracking the Same Jokes
Amazon announced on Friday that it's buying Whole Foods Market in a game-changing deal valued at $13.7 billion. In other words, the online retail and technology giant seemingly primed for world domination is now taking over the grocery store chain where you (c'mon, admit it) drop $10 on a jar of artisanal pickles -- to form a potentially unrivaled force for taking all of your damn money. And as you can imagine, the internet reacted to the news accordingly.
The company's announcement didn't include any immediate changes coming to your local Whole Foods or Amazon's existing grocery offerings, but that didn't stop people from freaking the hell out, predicting the rise of dystopian grocery overlord, and, of course, making the same cracks at Whole Foods prices. The numerous reactions were hilarious and on point.
The inevitable Whole Foods prices and Alexa jokes were swift
Whole Foods was just bought by Amazon for $13,700,000,000 - so the cost of 4 items then.— Darren Bell (@darren_bell) June 16, 2017
Amazon buys Whole Foods for $13.7B. Coincidentally, the same amount my wife just spent there for a bag of kale chips and a bottle of Kefir.— Fred Shugars (@fredact) June 16, 2017
Can't wait for Whole Foods Prime when you only pay $14 for 3 ounces of guacamole.— P Millz (@TonyDaMimbo) June 16, 2017
Holy crap! And I thought *I* spent a lot at Whole Paycheck...uh, I mean Whole Foods.— KaMuMag6 (@KaMuMag6) June 16, 2017
Amazon to buy Whole Foods for $13.7 billion.— Regi Brittain (@RegiBrittain) June 16, 2017
Jeff Bezos is happy, but think about how much less he would have spent at Trader Joe's!
Amazon reportedly spent $13.7 billion at Whole Foods today, and they still had to stop by Safeway to get everything on their list...— Tommy Tighe (@theghissilent) June 16, 2017
Bezos: "Alexa, buy me something from Whole Foods"— Jeff Lewis (@ChicagoPhotoSho) June 16, 2017
Alexa: "Buying Whole Foods"
Then the fear of a dystopian retail/grocery overlord set in
I can't wait for my house robot to force me to buy $14 asparagus water— Ryan Broderick (@broderick) June 16, 2017
AMAZON, 1998: hello we sell books but online— KRANG T. NELSON (@KrangTNelson) June 16, 2017
AMAZON, 2023: please return to your Primehouse for your nightly Primemeal, valued Primecitizen
If I ran a supermarket that's not Whole Foods I'd be scared out of my mind right now.— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) June 16, 2017
Amazon is buying Whole Foods. You think they were expensive before, just wait until Whole Foods Prime rolls out.— Dan (@Social_Mime) June 16, 2017
The Amazon Empire is buying Whole Foods?! 😳💸💸— Kristen Burgess (@kris10_burgess) June 16, 2017
It's official: this is Jeff Bezos's world; we're just living in it.
But others are seeing the potential upside
Thinking about it now, being able to bring the Amazon walk in/walk out technology to every Whole Foods location would be INCREDIBLE.— Joey Shulman (@joeyshulman) June 16, 2017
Do I get a free Washington Post with my Whole Foods grocery run now?— Josh Kraushaar (@HotlineJosh) June 16, 2017
Amazon is buying whole foods. I hope that means I can get BBQ supplies drone-delivered to my roof deck soon.— Steffan Antonas (@SteffanAntonas) June 16, 2017
Of course, it remains to be seen what if any changes Amazon will make to Whole Foods in the short term, but the long-term affects on how you buy groceries -- and shop in general -- may be even bigger than what's been predicted and joked about so far.