Anthony Bourdain's Secret to Cooking a Perfect Steak Is Surprisingly Simple

Stone cold silver fox and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain is consulted for his sage wisdom on basically everything pertaining to food. And why not? He’s got an infallible list of commandments regarding cheese burgers, and thinks your craft beer snobbery is the stuff of childish fantasy -- and that’s saying nothing of his thoughts on drugs.

In this video from Tech Insider, Bourdain dishes on how easy it is to ruin a perfectly good steak, explaining that everyone with a pair of tongs can make a travesty of their beef with minimal effort. In short, Bourdain explains, after you appropriately marinate your steak and sear that sucker on a pan, take it off the grill and “do not fucking touch it” for 5 to 7 minutes. It’s that simple. If you love your steak, you’ll leave it alone. Don’t poke and prod the meat slab. Just stare at it, wistfully, if you must.

As the chef tells it, the steak is still in fact cooking for that period of time, with all the wonderful juices humming and congealing until your beef cools down to an appropriate temperature. So yeah, try all those overwrought cooking tricks and you’ll find yourself yearning for a steak that could have been much better. Cooking can in fact be simple when all you’re cooking is a piece of red meat.

This has been national treasure Anthony Bourdain telling you how not to cook like a jackass, yet again.  

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If you see Anthony Bourdain, tell him to come train jiu-jitsu with Sam Blum, who's on Twitter @Blumnessmonster.