1. Clowns: "They were always sinister figures, disguising their homicidal intentions under thick make-up, all the while their crawl spaces and chest freezers were brimming with Cub Scout parts."
2. Mimes: "Their purposes are always to embarrass, to draw attention to the shy, the troubled, the hungover. Pure evil."
3. Switzerland: "I live with a persistent dread of alpine vistas, chalet architecture, Tyrolean hats, even cheese with holes in it. You will notice I have never been there. That's because Switzerland frightens me."
4. Karaoke: "Karaoke should only be performed with people who have already seen your genitals." (He makes an exception for Korean karaoke)