It's Gonna Be Cold as Shit This Weekend

Remember the winter of 2013-2014, when a stretch of icy weather known as the “Polar Vortex” seized much of the Northeast, turning the region into a forlorn tundra? Although the term Polar Vortex wasn’t originally a meteorological term -- it was conceived by people on social media with a really great knack for branding -- CNN notes similar weather patterns are returning to America this weekend. That’s right, get ready to shiver your little mittens off.

Experts are warning us to brace for an Arctic Blast, with CNN meteorologist Rachel Aissen explaining on the network: "This week's dangerous cold will sweep the country from Bismarck to Boston with -10 to -35 degree wind chills expected…at -35 degrees, wind chills takes only 10 minutes for frostbite to occur."

To illustrate just where the frost is settling in, take a look at the storm via this geothermal map. The storm is approaching the Northeast from the North Pole, where cold air is traveling southward as part of a phenomenon called the polar jet stream. CNN says this is very similar to what happened three years ago, when the Polar Vortex wreaked havoc. 

If you’re in the Northeast, prepare for highs in the 20s on Thursday and Friday, "as a broad trough of low pressure takes over the northern third of the country," CBS reports. Lows toward the end of this week will be record-breaking in the region, with temperatures dropping as much as 15-20 degrees below average.

Last weekend already saw much of the Midwest and Northeast hit with snow, according to ABC. Michigan, northern Ohio, northwest Pennsylvania and western New York were pretty much blanketed by the end of last week. Much of the Northeast was still getting battered on Monday, but as evidenced by recent forecasts, the onslaught isn't over. As CBS notes, meteorologists are seeing little sign of the weather dissipating.

All of this cold misfortune to wit, and it isn’t even officially winter.

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Sam Blum drinks whiskey to stave off the cold. Follow him @Blumnessmonster