This Home Listing Is Straight Out of a Horror Movie and People Are Not OK
Normally the intersection of house listings and horror movies is a steep broker’s fee, but not today. A recent real estate listing for a home in Australia is the stuff of nightmares.
We’ve seen subtle disturbances in listings before. Remember the time a gorgeous suburban home listing casually mentioned a sex dungeon? Or what about the house that may or may not have come with a creepy upstair neighbor? Well, it's probably safe to say nothing has shocked the internet quite like 10 Melory Crescent in Magill, South Australia.
The house listing starts out innocently enough: "Two titles, unrenovated, Tiny Original Chapel, dual cellars and rooftop viewing platform, backs onto the council reserve, so you feel like you are deep in the country."
Then the listing seems to grow more urgent in the second paragraph: "Mystery and intrigue, OMG beats anything you will ever see, it's at every turn!"
Uh, the whole "It's at every turn" part seems a little intimidating, but still fairly harmless. Until: "History, excitement. Challenge your senses. If you are a scaredy-cat, don’t come."
The Internet squints at the screen. Everyone scrolls up and clicks the pictures. Exterior shot, exterior shot, a regal dining room, hallways of brilliantly contrasting patterns, a pool, a porch, a room of demon figures in wigs holding broomsticks, a cozy fireplace with-- Wait, says the Internet, and scrolls back to find demon figures with menacing faces, giant spiders dangling from the ceiling, a slumped clown, Satan wearing a cross, etc.
“It’s not for the faint-hearted but WOW, what a property,” says the listing. Then the listing goes on to describe the architect and amenities as if there’s nothing undead or soul-sucking about what is pictured. It’s like if a realtor in a horror movie politely asked the titular demon figure to step aside so a family at an open house event could view some decorative woodwork behind the chaise.
Naturally (or should I say supernaturally), the internet had thoughts about it:
Pros:— Barry Ring (@BarryRingActor) September 7, 2019
-Alice Cooper pictures
- some work needed on a few of the ceilings
- SOUL FILLED MURDER SCARECROWS
- garage is not enclosed
In the realtor's defense, they did put disclaimers in the text. Don’t bring kids, or watch them. Don’t wear a suit. There are cobwebs. But more importantly, he or she was upfront about how much work needs to be done on the property: “everything.”
In a way, this posting is less terrifying than the average, in that it is honest, albeit honestly terrifying.