This Little Boy Who Panics & Crawls Away From The Queen Will Make You Feel Known

Prominent among the wealth of lies-masquerading-as-good-advice our parents bestowed upon us as children is the notion that one should never talk to strangers. This is a cruel disservice, seeing as adulthood is full of strangers you're obligated to speak with if you want things like a job, a boyfriend, or a sandwich. Perhaps the lesson should, instead, be: "don't talk to strangers unless the interaction will benefit you in some tangible way."

Still, in a generation riddled with social anxiety, it's not easy to thrive in conversation with someone new -- especially if that someone is the Queen of England. And there is no one to date who has demonstrated the discomfort that accompanies meeting a stranger quite like 9-year-old Nathan Grant, who was caught on camera this past week, meeting Queen Elizabeth II for the first time.

In the footage, the queen bends down to greet a tie-clad Grant, who looks up at her, panic-stricken, before dropping to his knees and promptly crawling away. He scampers as far as the door, at which point he screams "bye!" from a safe distance. If I were any less wedded to social norms, this is how I would exit most first dates. 

"That's his version of a bow!" Grant's mother explains on camera, by way of apology. This is a good excuse to commit to memory. 

Grant and his mother had the distinct pleasure of meeting the Queen while she visited London’s Thomas Coram Foundation for Children to celebrate the opening of a new campus building under her name. She made a point of greeting some of the children and their families involved in the project, which brought her to Mr. Nathan Grant -- who will now live on as an icon of social paralysis. 

In fact, Grant may be responsible for a hot new approach to the Irish Exit. Bless his soul. 

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Eliza Dumais is a news writer at Thrillist. Follow her on Twitter for proof.