Here's Everything You Should Have Done By Age 35 According to This New Meme
Over the last week, you may have been confused by asinine advice about what you should have accomplished by age 35. It's a meme based on a Marketwatch article that is basically 2018's version of "millennials can't buy houses because they buy so much avocado toast."
The Marketwatch article asserts that by the time you're 35 you should have saved twice your annual salary. If the math is confusing there, it's your salary but, like, two of it.
The article was originally published in early January, but it was a May re-promotion of the story that started the fire, according to Know Your Meme. The article contains lots of financial advice, but the May tweet from Marketwatch focused on the savings advice.
Some have responded to the tweet saying there aren't many people that could legitimately take this advice. As often happens on social media, incredulity gave way to ridicule. Others began offering advice about what other milestones you need to accomplish before you turn 35. It's quite helpful.
By age 35 you should have a junk drawer filled with USB flash drives you’re reluctant to throw out because you don’t know what’s on them but are reluctant to plug in because... you don’t know what’s on them— aloria 🦔 (@aloria) May 20, 2018
By age 35, you should have figured out how to spell “bananas” without having to mentally sing Hollaback Girl— Jon "Jon Baker" Baker (@JonBaker) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have reached that stage of time confusion where you're convinced the 90s was only 10 years ago.— Jen Williams (@sennydreadful) May 21, 2018
By age 35 you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer that you just don’t like, and actively frown at if you accidentally grab it.— Nutella Enchanted (@chrisopotamia) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have at least two thirds of your hard drive space taken up by recursively nested copies of the hard drives from all your previous computers— Alex Kerfoot (@akerfoot) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have lost at least twice your most valuable information for lack of backups.— Miguel de Icaza (@migueldeicaza) May 20, 2018
By age 35, millennials should have 40,000 avocado toasts set aside for retirement.— Paul Fairie (@paulisci) May 15, 2018
By age 35 you should run into friends and say "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!" twice a week. You will never hang out. You'll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.— Luke Trayser (@trukelayser) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones— Lori G 🌸 (@LoriG) May 19, 2018
By age 35 you should have like 2 real friends both of whom live in other states and around 700 online friends with whom your relationship is so tenuous that a simple opinion about a comic book movie could end it instantly.— MR'A Stoudemire (@Bahbuto) May 21, 2018
by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags— vytas (@peakysblinder) May 20, 2018
By age 35, you should have at least six lipsticks that you know don’t work on you but you can’t get rid of them because that would mean all that wandering around Sephora was worth nothing— rachel syme (@rachsyme) May 20, 2018
I think you meant to say,— From Russia with Love (@emanzi) May 14, 2018
By 35 you should have debt twice your salary.
Listen. Meghan Markle wasn't a duchess til age 36 so stop telling me what I should have by age 35.— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 21, 2018
To be fair, the advice from Fidelity Investments acknowledges that's a damn difficult goal and nods toward the fact that it's simply impossible for many. It also acknowledges that many people in and around their 30s are "plagued with crippling student debt."
Still, most people have a better chance of stockpiling twice their salary in tweets than that other thing.