Look at All These Morons Who Eat Cereal the Wrong Way
Just when you think the world can't get any worse, some assholes come along and blow up a core tenet of your childhood upbringing:
We don't trust or understand this either. And these sociopaths aren't alone. A sugar-addicted subset of the Internet is obsessed with combining juice and cereal for breakfast. Many Twitter users seem to publicly relish the notion of combining an already-sweet drink with a breakfast option that can pack as much as 12 grams of sugar per 34 grams of a serving. (Frosted Flakes, kids, they're definitely "more than good.")
It's like someone sprayed your mouth with gasoline and threw a match inside.
Before you accuse me of knocking something before I've tried it, let's be clear: I subjected myself to this atrocity. For you and for capital-J Journalism, I spooned a small serving of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes mixed with the contents of a bottle of Tropicana Pure Premium orange juice (no pulp) into my mouth to put the orange-juice-and-cereal combo method to the test. Admittedly the flavors popped with a brighter tang than I expected as the combined citrus and sugar did their work. For a moment or two afterward, I still couldn't quite feel my tongue.
After five minutes in pain, I chugged a mug of cold coffee and combed the Internet for a GIF that illustrated what the world tastes and smells like now. Here's what I got...
I am not alone in my revulsion.
Literally all the people I've talked to agree that adding sugary juice to cereal is a bad idea. Thrillist conducted an informal poll asking "Would you ever eat cereal with orange juice instead of milk?" This is a small mix of replies we've received as of press time:
"NO. OMG." -- Annie, 26, Brooklyn, NY
"No. I'd rather eat an apple with water. Which is, to my mind, ALMOST as disgusting." -- John, 27, Brooklyn, NY
"I don't think so. Clash of flavors in my mouth that I don't think I'd want to start my day with. Seems pretty efficient, though."-- Jon, 44, Syracuse, NY
"Lololol, I would not, but I know my sister[, 30] used to as a kid sometimes. She hated milk." -- Stacy, 26, Queens, NY
"God no, but that's funny you ask because this guy I knew in college did that. He also dipped Oreos in OJ, too ... it was repulsive!"-- Ben, 35, Brooklyn, NY
"Not by choice."-- Noah, 53, Brooklyn, NY
"Fuck no. That's some serial killer type trait." -- Sasha, 27, Salt Lake City, UT
"Huh, I can't say the thought ever crossed my mind, but I've definitely had dry cereal with a glass of OJ and wouldn't be opposed to a trial run (but with a kind of plain cereal, Honey Nut Cheerios as the most exotic option)."-- Nate, 31, Austin, TX
"I asked 9 adults and all said NO!!!! But (wait for it) one mother knows a person who did this."-- Alejandro, 60, Central Islip, NY
"GTFO."-- Andy, 48, Los Angeles, CA
Thank you to everyone who participated.
Twitter and Instagram are awash with this disgusting innovation.
Just look at these horrific affronts to common human decency that people have broadcast to Twitter and Instagram.
"Ran out of milk" is the "dog ate my homework" of breakfast.
Alternate option: Starve?
Who else eats cereal with apple juice 😁. Please relate— relateable (@__relateable) February 17, 2017
One question: How?
"Grandma" or "Satan"?
[Drives into brick wall.]
I used to always eat my cereal with orange juice instead of milk up until maybe 4 years ago— hnra (@Nataliheiddy) March 9, 2017
Not all sins can be forgiven.
In front of impressionable youngsters, no less...
I felt so left out and confused I thought I had been eating cereal the wrong way my whole life— DD (@diannaguillenn) March 9, 2017
Beastly, savage behavior.
I meannn, I LOVE orange juice.. but with cereal? As a substitute for milk? You're trippin— JustCam (@JamCamaria) March 8, 2017
Finally, a voice of reason. Christ.
NO. Stop it.
Too late for this, honestly. Pass the milk.
h/t Twitter Moments
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