Snortable Chocolate Promises a 30 Minute Buzz and Probably a Brown Nose
The PG-rated version of snuff is here, and it's literally chocolate you can snort. Coco Loko, the brainchild of the Orlando-based company Legal Lean, is here to acclimate would-be degenerates to the art of cramming mind-altering substances up their noses, albeit within the confines of the law. Coco Loko hasn't been approved by the FDA -- although it is available for purchase on Amazon -- and it promises a 30-minute whirlwind buzz, according to its 29-year-old inventor, Nick Anderson.
Anderson told the Washington Post that he conceived of Coco Loko after hearing about a "chocolate-snorting trend" sweeping Europe's club scenes. (Europeans are so progressive, man).
“At first, I was like, ‘Is this a hoax?,'” he told the paper. “And then I tried it and it was like, okay, this is the future right here.” A few months of experimentation and $10,000 later, Anderson finally got his concoction down to a pureed blend that's easy on the nostrils. “Some versions, they just burned too much,” Anderson said of his months fine-tuning Coco Loko. “Other times they looked gray and dull, or didn’t have enough stimulants.”
The pulverized chocolate is a combination of stimulants usually found in energy drinks: gingko biloba, taurine, guarana and of course, cacao. Marketing materials trumpet Coco Loko as the savory cousin of Esctasy, promising euphoric rushes and a party in your cerebellum. (Hip-hop fans note the slogan):
While Anderson parrots Coco Loko's rave-reviews, its merit is still scientifically unproven. After all, shoving chocolate up one's nose doesn't traditionally yield massive benefits. Andrew Lane, director of rhinology and sinus surgery at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, told US News and World Report that he's "not aware of any studies showing harm from inhaling any of these ingredients, nor any scientific evidence that there is a benefit.”
The doctor still encourages moderation, as syphoning up any substance with your nose can lead to a multitude of ailments like irritation, stuffiness, runny nose and general pain. As if you didn't already know that.