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Coors Will Give You Free Beer Every Time It Gets Trolled by Bud Light

The Great Corn Syrup War rages on. I've been conscripted simply because I drink beer. I have grown tired, yet, the war proceeds onward even after Bud Light released a sort of apology about its Super Bowl ads. You remember, dear, the ones...

free coors light
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My Dearest Annabelle,

The Great Corn Syrup War rages on. I've been conscripted simply because I drink beer. I have grown tired, yet, the war proceeds onward even after Bud Light released a sort of apology about its Super Bowl ads. You remember, dear, the ones about corn syrup that most people thought were a little misleading. The very advertisement that played starter's pistol to our current predicament. You'd be forgiven if you forgot. I believe we all fell asleep during the game whether from pure boredom or an overfull sensation brought on by one too many Takis Fuego.

Anyhow, Bud Light pushed on. They made billboards and more commercials touting their beer's lack of corn syrup. (Even though all beer needs sugar and they get theirs from rice.) Miller Lite fought back. As did Coors, briefly. Now, Coors Light has full-on joined the melee. I fear that the Great Corn Syrup War will never end, pointless though it is. This Wednesday, March 13 in the year of our maker 2019, Coors has unveiled its newest battle plans. Every time Bud Light says something negative about Coors Light -- for instance, mentioning the corn syrup Coors Light uses -- Coors will give free beer to people across the country starting March 22. 

It works like this: Coors is installing light-up tap handles in bars that reside in New York, Dallas, Philadelphia, Las Vegas, and Omaha. When Bud Light trolls, the bewitched tap handles will light up with the fury of eight, maybe nine, candles.  This happens in every bar in which they have been installed. Then, Coors says, the next round is on them. Drink up! (Though, one must not yell "Dilly Dilly." Not because it's a different brand, but just because, please don't.)

The brand will monitor Bud Light's activity on social media and TV. When the blue can attacks the silver can, BOOM, the handles light up and free beers begin to pour.

Those of us on the frontline like free beer, of course. Who wouldn't? But we fear our acceptance of this free beer means that the war will never end. 

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Dustin Nelson is a Senior Writer on the news team at Thrillist. Follow him @dlukenelson.