WARNING: Anyone who is disturbed by pineapple pizza is advised to close this tab immediately. Children of those disturbed are also advised to stop reading, as the news we are about to relay may trigger that which lies dormant and sweet topping-oppositional within you.
"Don't miss the highlight of Taiwan that is popular around the world: the black sugar pearl explosion," said Domino's in a press release this week. And the people thought, this cannot be exactly what it sounds like. Anything but that.
But it was, in fact, a bubble tea pizza. Domino's announced that, for just one month, Domino's locations in Taiwan are offering a pizza covered in black sugar pearls (boba), honey, and cheese. The chain claims the pie has a "soft and chewy" texture, which made all the thin-and-crispy pizza loyalists shrivel up and die.
Before we throw tomatoes at the CEO's summer home, let me just say that this is not the first time someone has done this. And though the pizza looks really gross in every photo we've seen, people seem to... like it.
"Omg it's incredible," writes Twitter user Lev Nachman. "They nailed it." After cyber-crickets sounded all around the world, Nachman continued. "Not joking, everyone here needs to try this. The pizza is savory, but it's sweetened with honey on top, the boba aren't mushy, and the whole thing is 超級Q af." Then he sent a photo of his nearly finished pizza to his "haters."
Because we're based in New York and unable to try it, we decided to ask our resident food writer, Kat Thompson, what she thought about the combo. She grew up with a boba shop on every other block, and has seen boba-stuffed bread buns at the Taiwanese bakery chain 85°C Bakery Cafe.
"I love pizza and I love boba, so who is to say that the combination wouldn't be some tasty salty-sweet hybrid?" she said. "My main concern -- and I guess questions -- are is the boba cooked alongside the pizza? Or is it just a topping? Because the texture or boba is so peculiar and springy, baking it would probably ruin it."
We reached out to Domino's to find out how the bobas were incorporated, and haven't yet heard back. All we know right now is that some people on this Earth have enjoyed it, people with taste buds that have biological mechanisms quite similar to ours. And trust in our species is all we have in this radical food combination revolution.