'Drunk Birds' Are Seriously Getting Out of Hand in a Small Minnesota Town
A town in Minnesota currently looks like a whimsical, Will Farrel-lead adaptation The Birds. But instead of expressing inexplicable avian rage, the birds are all going on a giant bender together.
The situation has gotten so out of hand in Gilbert, Minnesota that the local police department has put out a statement on their behavior, which includes “flying into windows, cars and acting confused.”
The entire statement is worth reading, but a brief explanation of the situation is: "certain berries we have in our area have fermented earlier than usual due to an early frost, which in turn has expedited the fermenting process. Many birds have not migrated sound, so it appears to be more prevalent than in past years."
Apparently, the younger birds are having more trouble holding their liquor as "their livers cannot handle the toxins as efficiently." Birds, they're just like us. The statement also stresses that there's "no need to call law enforcement about these birds as they should sober up within a short period of time."
The statement goes completely off the rails after that and outlines the situations in which it would be appropriate to call the police. These include: “Tweety acting as if 10 feet tall and getting into confrontations with cats,” and “Any other birds after midnight with Taco Bell items.” While there haven't been any actual reports of birds with Taco Bell yet, one commenter did claim that seven individual birds have hit their car this week alone.
Buy the movie rights to this before someone else does.