Einstein's New ‘Party Bagels’ Aren't Bagels at All

They’re donuts. The "Party Bagels" are donuts.

These "Party Bagels" are really donuts that are sliced in the middle and coated with frosting.
Einstein Bros. Bagels
Einstein Bros. Bagels

Like Thrillist, Einstein Bros. Bagels is no stranger to the portmanteau. Take its Bagelrito, please. When the bagel/burrito mashup went national earlier this year, it left nothing to the imagination. It was as though a bagel and a burrito conceived a spawn that only resembled either in passing, but you got the gist. Which is why the bagel chain's new “Party Bagels” are so puzzling. 

“We wanted to bring a bit of fun to the breakfast table,” Chad Thompson, head of culinary innovation at Einstein Bros., is quoted as saying in a press release, though that doesn't do much to help us understand these things. “Party Bagels are a sweet treat, done the Einstein Bros. Bagels way, that the whole family will love."

Just in case it wasn’t clear before: Party Bagels are donuts. At press time, Einstein Bros. did not respond to questions about whether they are yeast-risen or cake varieties, but, look at these things, they’re donuts. They will be available in “Churro” or “Chocolate Birthday Cake” varieties for $2.29 each beginning November 12. Party Bagel party packs will include four of either type for $7.99. 

The brothers Einstein could have just as easily called these, say, “Donut Bagels” and not piqued any confusion, but here we are. “Party Bagels” could be practically anything, including, like, just a very large quantity of bagels. The only bit of explanation we could glean from the company’s press materials was this: “they’re sliced and frosted in the middle, bagel-style.” 

But then so, are a lot of things, like many cakes. 

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