These Cake Cutting Fails Are Straight-Up Crimes Against Dessert

Cutting cake is an art, not a science. But if it's not something you've practiced, you might as well leave the sacred act to people who understand angles and symmetry. Or, uh, potentially face a public shaming. 

After noticing a brutally hackneyed cake at an office holiday party, Twitter user @Bottlerocket put the dismembered pastry on blast. What followed was a show-and-tell of sorts, with different people sharing their saddest desserts, all butchered and carved to a sugary mess. 

Food + Wine considered it a cue, and dredged up even more brutalized cakes to burn through your retinas. 

Cake and pies only get one chance at a decent life. So don't maim them before they're gone. 

[Food + Wine]

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Sam Blum is a News Staff Writer for Thrillist. He's also a martial arts and music nerd who appreciates a fine sandwich and cute dogs. Find his clips in The Guardian, Rolling Stone, The A.V. Club and Esquire. He's on Twitter @Blumnessmonster