Ever wonder if a cheetah takes a 100m sprint and then says to itself, damn, Usain? Or a shark catches a glimpse of itself in the dark eye of its prey and gets turned on by its own dorsal fin? We don't know how self-aware animals really are, is what I'm saying. They could be total friggen narcissists. So when people throw fat bear competitions I can't help but wonder if we're bullying, or if being fat is sexy as hell when your species is forced to live off fat stores every annual hibernation. Probably the latter.
I'm saying all of this to announce that a Katmai National Park in Alaska is -- for the fifth time -- putting on a fat bear competition. The point is to find out the baddest and fattest honey in the biz, and exploit it on social media to spread awareness of the park. The winner will be announced on Fat Bear Tuesday, October 8, and this year the organizers have stepped up their game with some arguably intrusive technology: They will be using 3D scans of bears to find out who is literally the chunkiest.
There are two brackets each day during the week. The comparisons began on October 2.
Embrace the Elements With Fire & Smoke Burgers
A Twitter user named Ian responded to this comparison by politely asking if bears were actually supposed to be this fat, to which the national park twitter responded, "Yes! Fat Bear Week celebrates the hard work these bears go through to pack on the pounds and survive almost 6 months of starvation."
"I like big bears and I don't know why," a user named "Ox Fall Down" contributed to the thread, and the show went on. Round two was ladies only.
"The sexy single sow 854 is pitted up against the 7 time working mom 402," they wrote. "Which sow is the fattest of them all?" My vote's the MILF.
Users were invited to comment on the park's Facebook page, which has been rising steadily in popularity since the competition began. Just this past week, the page views rose from 2,000 to more than 70,000, according to The Verge. The website also features before and after pics, the "after" pics being a beacon of body positivity.
Along with incorporating video and 3D technology, the organizers have presented a visual for the competition, and will continue updating as votes come in:
May this be a lesson to all... to eat what you want, and never go outside in the winter.
Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email and subscribe here for our YouTube channel to get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.