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Florida Man Takes 5-Foot Alligator on Beer Run, Chaos Ensues

If Florida isn't the proudest state in the union, it should be: It's got a noble tradition of Florida men and women doing very Florida things, such as shouting "Dicks out for Harambe!" to welcome a hurricane, and dumping sewage in a 7-11 as part of a revenge plot. 

But the good people of Florida aren't done making bizarre headlines, as a man who took an alligator into a convenience store during an otherwise routine beer-run might be the most Florida thing to occur this summer. Well, it wasn't so routine, actually: Robby Stratton ran into a convenience store holding an alligator, luckily with its mouth taped shut, and then darted throughout the aisles for no apparent reason. Stratton's objective was clear, if not a little poorly executed: according to local news reports, he asked the cashier "Y’all ain’t out of beer, are ya?" before taking his scaly swamp friend into the walk-in fridge to look for cases of beer. 

When asked whether he was a "bit under the influence at the time, possibly," Stratton said that he was not, but rather "a lot under the influence." The gator-wielding man defended himself, though, saying that there's worse things to do than running around in a liquor store with a five-foot alligator in tow: "It's not like I chased grandma down in Publix with it or something," he said. 

Stratton also said he had very little recollection of where the animal came from. The man also said he's aware of possible charges and jail time, and that he's been contacted by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, which is investigating the incident. 

Best of luck to Robby and any unwitting alligators who get caught up in his future shenanigans. 

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Sam Blum is a News Staff Writer for Thrillist. He's also a martial arts and music nerd who appreciates a fine sandwich and cute dogs. Find his clips in The Guardian, Rolling Stone, The A.V. Club and Esquire. He's on Twitter @Blumnessmonster