All appears to be going well as he smooths a gob of peanut butter onto a slice of bread, but when it's time to add the jelly, Underwood commits an impeachable offense: he uses the same peanut butter-covered knife to scoop jelly from the jar, contaminating it forever. He then proceeds to apply a treasonous pittance of the sweet, presumably grape, spread before plopping the slices together. And you'd think he'd be great with a knife at this point...
The resulting PB&J, like his America Works program, is a disgrace to the nation. Its painfully dry ratio of peanut butter to jelly is more like something the man would feed to his worst enemies, moments before ending them.
As Underwood once said, "The road to power is paved with hypocrisy, and casualties." And, apparently, shitty peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
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Tony Merevick is Cities News Editor at Thrillist and is only through episode six of the new season. Send news tips to email@example.com and follow him on Twitter @tonymerevick.