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6-Year-Old Writes a Seriously Savage Letter to Santa

People treat Santa like he's just a jolly old guy who wants children to act right, and it's understandable if you've been sucked into this. It's reinforced through every part of our culture, even our school system. That's how this near-prophetic rant against Santa came to be, in fact. Assigned to write to Santa in his first-grade class, a 6-year-old from Virginia completed his assignment with maximum vitriol and fearlessly exposed the hollow center of holiday cheer.

Here's the letter in full, in its original form and as transcribed by his mother:

The real gem here is obviously: "I know your notty list is emty. And your good list is emty. and your life is emty." Not since The Brothers Karamazov has nihilism been expressed so eloquently. 

In context, it turns out this is probably referring to his disbelief in Santa, but it sure does sound a lot like this 6-year-old is questioning the moral notions that underpin Western society. 

Also take some time to consider the decorations on the margins. Skulls line one half, wreaths the other, like he's expressing how oblivion lurks under the surface of even our most cheerful conventions. Finally, the student refuses to reveal his name to the Man in Red, but softens the blow by signing his missive "love."

The 21st-century Schopenhauer's mother explained to Reuters that she's always told her children that Santa is a "fun story," but instructed him to keep that knowledge to himself at school. As to his "troubles," surely a line we all relate to, she explained that he's referring to "the fact that his brother often beats him at video games.”

Too real.

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James Chrisman is a News Writer at Thrillist who thinks Santa is a hack. Send news tips to news@thrillist.com and follow him on Twitter @james_chrisman2.