This Ridiculous 'GoT' Kickstarter Wants to Re-Do Scenes the Show Got Wrong

Game of Thrones
HBO
HBO

This article contains spoilers for the season 5 and 6 of Game of Thrones, as well as some discussion of the A Song of Ice and Fire book series. 

Daenerys is going to feel dumb if she can't raise the funds to get to Westeros and this Kickstarter project is successful. 

"Fixing Dorne" is an ambitious new crowdfunding campaign that wants to remake all of the scenes from Dorne on HBO's Game of Thrones starting with season 5, and continuing on to season 6, funds permitting. Sounds simple enough. Just raise enough money to shoot these mega-expensive scenes and have the end product be as good as HBO's original. It's not that hard, people. HBO does it every day.

Oh, yeah. But they just need $20 million.

Yes, it's a little tongue-in-cheek, but it's also the (il)logical extreme of fan displeasure with the Dorne storyline that started back in Season 5. To the chagrin of the show's biggest fans, the southernmost kingdom of Westeros never gets its due on the show compared to its prominence in the books. This is the chance to make good on Dorne.

Dorne started out full of promise when Oberyn Martell arrived in King's Landing to banter playfully with Tyrion Lannister and throw crazy sex parties. Who doesn't love a good sex party? But his death portended a downhill slog for the Dornish, leading up to the Sand Snakes' anti-climactic murder of Prince Doran and Trystane Martell in Season 6's premiere. Including them in the opener even made it seem like we'd be back into the story of Dorne and begin to see its importance, but it again disappeared from the show, leaving casual fans asking "What's a Dorne?" and fanatics refreshing Reddit every five minutes.

What would the "Fixing Dorne" team do differently? They're glad you asked.

Jaime Lannister and Bronn's entry into Dorne won't be so easy. "Instead of being met with the convenient delivery of clothes and horses sufficient to somehow transport them into the most guarded location in the entire kingdom, our intrepid duo find themselves in a half-familiar culture that has every reason to distrust them."

Game of Thrones
Jonathan Ying

And the Sand Snakes?

"Our Sand Snakes are introduced in a style closer to George RR Martin’s -- as diverse as their mothers, and written as more than just catty comic relief. Obara, Nymeria, and Tyene Sand will be distinct characters - and Ellaria Sand will be torn between her patriotism, her slain lover’s memory, and her desire for vengeance."

Game of Thrones
Teela Wyman

We can also hope that Areo Hotah and his murder stick will be more than set dressing in their version (see: drawing below). 

These common complaints have helped the project already raise $23,867 in its opening days. That's quite impressive, but tremendously overshadowed by the $19,976,133 to go.

It's not really plausible, but what if it happened? What if George R.R. Martin woke up today and said "screw it, here's $19 million?

Well, these guys would make it and it'd be convoluted, but there's a Rifftrax-esque plan to make it work. Once the re-do is shot, and the scenes are released for free, the team is legally forbidden from recutting episodes with their own scenes inserted. They want you to re-watch the episodes of Season 5 and 6 until you hit a scene from Dorne, then pause the show and play the new scenes from Dorne. Afterward, fast forward through the inferior Dorne scenes from HBO. Rinse. Repeat.

Game of Thrones
Jonathan Ying

Seem ambitious? They aren't done. They have stretch goals that include hiring Alexander Siddig, who plays Prince Doran, when they get to $20.5 million. They'll hire Jerome Flynn to play Bronn at $21.5 (he costs $1 million!?) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to play Jaime Lannister at $23 million (he costs $1.5 million?!). At the $30 million mark they plan on offering George R.R. Martin $7 million to make their Dorne the official Dorne.

Martin must have heard the Dorne-related complaints that have led us here, because he released an excerpt from the upcoming Winds of Winter on Wednesday, and it focused on Dorne. It's not the first time he's previewed a forthcoming book by giving fans a little taste of a storyline that is drawing criticism on the show.

Don't get too excited though. Martin says the excerpt doesn't mean he's done with the book. Also, Dorne probably isn't going to be fixed. So, real life is a lot like the show: all hope is false hope.

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Dustin Nelson is a News Writer with Thrillist. He holds a Guinness World Record, but has never met the fingernail lady. He’s written for Sports Illustrated, Men’s Journal, The Rumpus, and other digital wonderlands. Follow him @dlukenelson.