There are many Thanksgiving Day monstrosities out there. The time-honored Turducken -- a.k.a. the choice entree of John Madden and your crazy uncle Steve -- completely personifies American gluttony by stuffing a chicken inside of a duck inside of a turkey. It sounds grotesque, but the triple-bird endures, because it probably tastes like #freedom.
But there are also dietary alternatives for those who seek to punish themselves on Thanksgiving by abstaining from meat. One of these lovely creations is the Tofucken -- a vegan Thanksgiving feast that sounds like a weird porno. In this glorious video, a Tofucken is prepared by an appropriately dirty-mouthed grandma. Like any God-fearing senior citizen, she loves disparaging “cooking show freaks” and “simple douchebags,” while preparing the substitute meat.