All our heroes dying
For all their Internet vitriol, people still have the capacity to be apathetic about elections, diseases, and dead gorillas, which is why 2016 went after the one thing we care about most: our celebrities. The year set its cruel tone early with the January death of David Bowie, followed swiftly by Alan Rickman -- and the hits just kept coming. The list of the famous dead spans every genre, with iconic, room-filling names like Prince, Muhammad Ali, Gene Wilder, Leonard Cohen, John Glenn, Alan Thicke, Abe Vigoda, and Merle Haggard. 2016 drew dynamic performances from rising star Anton Yelchin in Green Room and Star Trek Beyond, and then committed him to the past tense in a terrifying freak accident. These were people we spent hours of our lives with, and so each loss has had a touch of the familial about it.
Update: In the days since this article published, 2016 also claimed pop singer George Michael and beloved actress Carrie Fisher. Shit.
But let's not end on a down note -- Festivus is meant to be a happy holiday, and we can all rejoice in the knowledge that we'll be tap dancing on the grave of 2016 soon enough. Until then, let's all put up our aluminum poles and take part in the feats of strength.