Harvard Nerds Still Can't Get Laid, Harvard Nerds Confess

Getting laid is a time-honored college tradition. Harvard is a college obsessed with honoring traditions over time. And yet, 24% of the Crimson's just-graduated Class of 2015 -- that's around 400 scholars, all of whom are probably TOTAL NERDS -- did not do a banging even one single time during their four years in Cambridge. How do we know? Because they told the newspaper about it for a statistics survey

This delightful gem comes to us from the Harvard Crimson, the school's independent student-run paper, which just dropped its annual "By the Numbers" for this year's undergraduate class. The report is... well, grim.

"This year, 760 people, almost half the class, responded to an emailed survey that was sent to every senior," explained staff writer Nicholas Fandos in the (very-spectacular) article's lede. Of the respondents, 24% "said they did not have sexual intercourse while at Harvard," and 21% said they were never even in a relationship during their time at the school. (Let's assume there's a lot of overlap between those two cohorts, shall we?) 40% of these MAJORHERBS also reported drinking less than one night a week. 

At press time, neither Fandos, nor Harvard alumnus & current Thrillist deputy editor Matt Lynch could be reached for comment.

Dave Infante is a senior writer for Thrillist, and has never even been kissed, much less gotten laid. Follow @dinfontay on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.