Make no mistake, it's a goddamn privilege to be able to stand up, unzip, and relieve yourself in disgusting dive bar bathrooms, concerts, and long car rides when all you've got is an empty soda bottle (and no shame). But are dudes also overlooking the advantages of sitting down for a minute to take a leak? It's possible.
"The idea of sitting down to pee is interesting," said Dr. Jesse N. Mills, Associate Clinical Professor at the UCLA Department of Urology. "Nothing beats whipping it out and letting it rip. But if you want to sit down and think about life, it's a break in your day."
From time to time, it just makes sense to sit back, tuck it down, and relax while you go, especially when you've been out drinking all night and are more prone to missing. But why else would you ever purposely choose sitting over standing? Here's what we found out:
You (hopefully) won't get piss all over
Obviously, sitting down to pee isn’t the way to go in every scenario. But when you’ve been out drinking or are half asleep in the middle of the night, sitting down might be your only shot at avoiding a mess on the toilet seat you neglect to lift up, and -- if your aim really sucks -- on the floor.
As Mills explains, “When you're sitting you've got better aim. If you're sitting in the right place, then chances are you will get it in the right place.” At that point, we really hope so.
Oh, and whoever you live with -- girlfriend, boyfriend, your mother, whatever -- probably wouldn’t mind not having to clean up after you anymore. Mills is admittedly not as careful, saying, “I guess I'm too lazy to turn around and sit down, so I tend to roll the dice when I go.” But, by all means, live your best life.
You can relax
Unfortunately, taking a quick “bathroom break” doesn’t always amount to an actual break. You're literally pissing away an opportunity to sit down, relax, and think shit (maybe!) out in the middle of your busy day. Seriously, just because you can pee faster while standing up and get the hell out of the bathroom doesn’t mean that you should, or have to. That is, unless all you’ve got is a urinal. Don't think so?
Also, you’re lazy as hell if you do this all the time.
You can get all the pee out
Most young men should be able to piss while standing up just as well as they can while sitting down, but for some men, sitting down is sometimes the only way they feel like they’re able to get it all out, according to Mills.
“Sitting down is a better option for men with prostate conditions or men who just can't stand up for a long time,” he said. “A lot of guys sit to pee if they can't fully evacuate their bladder. When you sit down, you can use your abdominal muscles more, and you get your last few squirts out and feel like you've emptied better.”
In fact, this is something that helps Mills diagnose patients who might have problems peeing.
“As long as a guy feels like he’s emptying his bladder standing or sitting, he’s in good shape,” he said. “If not, then he should should see a urologist to make sure there's not a blockage that makes him need to sit down and generate that abdominal contraction to empty.”
Good to know, right? Anyway, who’s looking forward to getting old?
You don't have to worry about shit
We sincerely hope that you already sit on the toilet if you think you have to crap, or at least squat over it. However, if you’re unsure, you might want to park yourself on the throne when you pee in case shit does what it does best… and, uh, happens.
“Being able to squeeze out the last drops of pee is the main advantage [to sitting down],” Mills said. “But if you're worried about being between -- not sure if it's a number 1 or a number 2 -- you've got your bases covered by sitting.”
You can pee peacefully and quietly
There’s nothing wrong with being proud of the thunderous stream you can make while standing at the toilet -- whatever makes you feel good. But besides potentially making a mess of the toilet and the bathroom, your torrent of tinkle in the middle of the night could have the potential to disturb others, particularly your sleeping significant other or roommate. Be considerate, sit and piss in peace and quiet, and enjoy the aforementioned benefits while you're at it. You'll make the world a better place.
Again, guys shouldn't always pee sitting down, but given the benefits in terms of health and cleanliness, it's worth considering.
As always, "shake your lizards," guys.
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Tony Merevick is Cities News Editor at Thrillist and, personally, sits down to pee more than he'd like to admit. Send news tips to firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @tonymerevick.