Keys? Check. Wallet? Yup. Pet cheetah? Yes -- oh wait, shoot. No. There's a cheetah loose in British Columbia and it'd be really great if someone could come pick it up. B.C. resident, Samantha Istance, was driving along the highway when she spotted the IRL mascot of Cheetos walking along the highway like it was king of the goddamn Canadian jungle.
"My first thought was that's a cheetah," said Istance, flexing her expertise in the delicate art of recognizing large cats. Instead of doing something normal, like staying in the car and calling the authorities, Istance got out of her car and took pictures of the large predator. "I saw it had a collar on so I tried to coax it over. There is not really much reason for a cheetah to be in this part of the world unless it is somewhat domesticated or at least in captivity."
Tried to... coax it? Like, with your hands? While Samantha hit the nail on the head by declaring it unusual for a cat that typically resides in Africa to be in Canada, any semblance of intelligence left the proverbial building when she exited her car to try and pet a distressed cheetah.