The unveiling of a smart condom is a blessing to everyone who has hyperbolically stated there's a wearable for everything. Your chariot has arrived. Meet i.Con, a smart condom that collects data about your business. That's good because people don't have enough anxiety around sex. Getting data to analyze will totally help.
The condom isn't actually a condom, but a ring that attaches to a condom and is hopefully cleaned before each use. The device talks to an app on your smartphone to provide information like how many calories you burn while doing the deed. It does not, however, order a pizza to wherever you're engaged in the act, like other recent wearables.
I.Con provides details on the speed of thrusts, total number of thrusts, frequency of "sessions," total duration of "sessions," average velocity of thrusts, girth measurement, average skin temperature, and they're beta-testing information about the number of positions used. That's just enough data to ensure i.Con will be getting plenty of old man shaking a fist at the sky gifs.