North Korea Invented a Miracle 'Hangover-Free' Booze... Yeah, Right

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Let's be real: if you get your news from The Pyongyang Times, you're probably not reading Thrillist. One writes predominantly about food and drink; the other publishes propaganda from a country without sufficient food and drink for most of its population. You can figure which is which.

In any case, the DPRK-run Pyongyang Times reports this week North Korean scientists have invented a liquor that is "highly appreciated by experts and lovers as it is suave and causes no hangover." That's a pretty sick translation on its own, but the miracle-booze article has garnered enough interest to cripple the paper's website. That's what happens when your newspaper is hosted on 28K dial-up and all your country's resources go to making a dictator grow more gluttonous by the day.

According to the report, the secret behind the "no hangover" booze, called Koryo, is twofold: the special elixir is distilled from six-year-old ginseng and "scorched rice" by Taedonggang Foodstuff Factory. The rice replaces sugars you'd normally find in alcohol, thus preventing a bitter flavor and a hangover. Additionally, the Hermit Kingdom's government touts the Taedongang (ha ha, donggang) product for it medicinal properties, as the country has previously claimed ginseng extracts could cure MERS, SARS, and AIDS. Too bad they can't cure despotism.

"There are some high quality liquors made in North Korea, though in my experience there is no such thing as hangover-free booze anywhere in the world,” Andray Abrahamian from Chosong Exchange told NK News.

Mind you, this announcement comes from a country that routinely produces videos envisioning the destruction of the United States, pushes nuclear war as a bargaining chip for humanitarian aid, and allegedly found a unicorn lair. Also, the current tyrant's father, Kim Jong-il, allegedly hit 18 holes-in-one in one round of golf, despite the fact his country hasn't been able to finish building this stupid spaceship hotel it began constructing in 1987. Ryugyong Hotel is Pyongyang's Sagrada Familia, if only the city of Barcelona were ruled by a whiny fat kid and the rest of the world were on drugs.

Please don't believe the statements about this liquor to be true.

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Ryan Craggs is Thrillist's Senior News Editor. He looks forward to being put on the DPRK's greatest enemies list. Follow him @ryanrcraggs.