Here's What the Way You Spread Your Mayo Says About You

Kraft is offering "mayo readings" on social media to help you through Mercury in retrograde.

Courtesy of Kraft Real Mayo

In case your ex hasn't reached out yet and tipped you off, let me be the first to say: Mercury is back in retrograde. Cue the terror. To get you through it, Kraft is offering a round of "mayo readings," revealing details on your personality, life, and future, all based on how you slather your bread with the condiment. Yes, really.

"Here at Kraft Mayo, we champion those who revel in their individuality, and the introduction of the world's first Mayo Reader allows us to celebrate the uniqueness of Kraft Mayo lovers down to the way they spread their favorite condiment," Kraft Real Mayo Brand Manager Frances Sabatier said in a statement. "Kraft Mayo is also all about standing up for love of mayo and other things that might be seen as polarizing. That's why we're diving headfirst into the controversial cultural debate around astrology with the introduction of Mayo Readings." 

Here's how it works: duet @RealKraftMayo on TikTok to share how you spread your mayonnaise or post a photo or video to Twitter (also tagging the brand) between now and Thursday, May 26. A mayo reader will then interpret how you swipe, squeeze, and swirl, Travel & Leisure reports.

The brand has already posted several mayo readings, going as far as to praise a "scraper with a touch of single swiper" for "[working] hard to get what [they] want, yet still take time to appreciate the finer things in life," the outlet reports. Meanwhile, another commented that a "thick spreader" was a "quite stubborn [person] when it comes to what [they] want." 

I think I speak for all of us when I say we can use all the help we can get until Mercury gets out of retrograde.

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Megan Schaltegger is a Staff Writer on the News team at Thrillist.