Jogger Known as the ‘Mad Pooper’ Won’t Stop Pooping on a Colorado Family’s Lawn
While life in a small city is usually pretty simple, the routine tranquility can quickly evaporate when someone repeatedly craps on your lawn. A Colorado family is dealing with this putrid dilemma. They claim a rogue jogger fittingly known as the "Mad Pooper" has been taking sporadic poops on their front yard and terrorizing the neighborhood for several weeks. And she's still out there.
The Budde family's yard in Colorado Springs has been the main victim of the alleged Mad Pooper. In a recent interview with local TV station KKTV, Cathy Budde said the turds appear at random and almost always in the light of day. The whole scenario has left Budde and other residents very confused.
"It's not like it's private, people can see you," she said. "We're seeing her."
Budde claims the sight of the jogger squatting and releasing her bowels in the yard has also made her children cry. The resident recounted a confrontation with the woman, wherein she ran outside to ask why she was pooping in the yard: "I was like 'are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids?' And she was like 'yeah, sorry.'"
KKTV obtained photographic evidence of the Mad Pooper's detritus, blurring out the image for the sake of public decency:
The surprise poop attacks don't appear to be random, but rather inspired by a cold, calculated penchant for chaos. The alleged pooper regularly runs with napkins, and has also been spotted relieving herself in a local Walgreens and in other backyards. Perhaps driven by animus -- or a merciless thirst for retribution -- the Mad Pooper has put the small city on edge.
One man, interviewed in a public park not far from the Budde's home, told reporters that pooping in public isn't cool: "It's just not a natural thing we'd do in our society, to drop your trouser and relieve yourself right there, when you know there's people around," he said.
Budde has done her own reconnoissance work, taking pictures of the apparent defecator as she jogs throughout the neighborhood. Budde also put up signs around town to warn the community and shame the Mad Pooper into submission. But for some reason, the turds keep dropping, unrelenting in their terror.
"I put a sign on the wall that's like 'please, I'm begging you, please stop.'" Budde said. "She ran by it like 15 times yesterday, and she still pooped."
With an atmosphere of confusion and dread growing stronger in Colorado Springs, the Budde's have called the authorities to investigate. The Mad Pooper now faces charges of public exposure and public defecation after leaving a trail of smelly panic across the otherwise peaceful neighborhood. Let's hope justice -- and maybe a public bathroom -- prevails.
If you know anything about The Mad Pooper, you can call the Falcon division of the Colorado Springs Police Department at 719-444-7240. Or better yet, contact firstname.lastname@example.org