The surprise poop attacks don't appear to be random, but rather inspired by a cold, calculated penchant for chaos. The alleged pooper regularly runs with napkins, and has also been spotted relieving herself in a local Walgreens and in other backyards. Perhaps driven by animus -- or a merciless thirst for retribution -- the Mad Pooper has put the small city on edge.
One man, interviewed in a public park not far from the Budde's home, told reporters that pooping in public isn't cool: "It's just not a natural thing we'd do in our society, to drop your trouser and relieve yourself right there, when you know there's people around," he said.
Budde has done her own reconnoissance work, taking pictures of the apparent defecator as she jogs throughout the neighborhood. Budde also put up signs around town to warn the community and shame the Mad Pooper into submission. But for some reason, the turds keep dropping, unrelenting in their terror.
"I put a sign on the wall that's like 'please, I'm begging you, please stop.'" Budde said. "She ran by it like 15 times yesterday, and she still pooped."
With an atmosphere of confusion and dread growing stronger in Colorado Springs, the Budde's have called the authorities to investigate. The Mad Pooper now faces charges of public exposure and public defecation after leaving a trail of smelly panic across the otherwise peaceful neighborhood. Let's hope justice -- and maybe a public bathroom -- prevails.
If you know anything about The Mad Pooper, you can call the Falcon division of the Colorado Springs Police Department at 719-444-7240. Or better yet, contact firstname.lastname@example.org