Man Live-Tweets a Guy’s Struggle to Return Butternut Squash He Thought Was Cheese
Food can be deceiving. But when you’ve accidentally purchased butternut squash under the assumption that the sliced, orange cubes are really cheese, you have no one to blame but yourself. This exact grocery store foible played out right before the eyes of the writer James Dator. Like all great scribes of our epoch, Dator decided to document the woeful exchange on Twitter, as the man who made the mistake purchase haggled with the grocery store employees to get his hard earned money back.
What follows is a scenario emblematic of our internet obsessed culture. And an advisory to read the damn labels on your grocery packaging, because squash and cheese have always been very different foods.
A very confused man is attempting to return his open diced butternut squash because he thought it was a giant box of cubed cheese.— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
I can't believe this. They're saying he can't because it's open. He's saying it wasn't clearly labeled.— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
Let's stop here. The man, who we can presume was fuming, asked the grocery store workers to reimburse him for his obvious ineptitude. Like a man charged with throwing a huge Super Bowl party, he then asked for two pounds of cubed cheese, but for the same price that he paid for the squash.
They've agreed to refund his money. Now he's demanding they honor 2 pounds of cubed cheese for $2.97 as if it was priced like squash— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
The man was probably disenchanted to learn that grocery stores do not sell two-pound bags of cubed cheese.
"Sir we don't have 2 pound bags of cubed cheese"— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
"I have guests waiting!"
He wants them to give him two pounds of block cheese and have the deli counter slice it into cubes for him— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
Things descended from there.
Oh god an employee trying to be helpful half heard the conversation and retrieved a whole butternut squash and it's a lot worse now— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
"I DON'T WANT RABBIT FOOD I JUST NEED SOME GOTDANG CHEESE!!!"— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
He's leaving without the cheese and took the squash with him.— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
Of course, we may not know the whole story behind this grocery store blunder, but let it be a lesson to anyone with a pulse. If you can't tell the difference between cubed cheese and squash, you don't deserve cubed cheese. Squash, in this instance, is a metaphor for failure.