The late French philosopher Jean Baudrillard once said, “Television knows no night. It is perpetual day. TV embodies our fear of the dark, of night, of the other side of things.” Today I have a renewed sense of collegiate pride, as I can finally use this scrap from my otherwise useless postmodern study to introduce an article about a guy in Virginia with a TV head, leaving TVs on people’s porches at night.
More than 50 homes in Virginia were paid a visit by the man, who was seen wearing an entire TV set on his head, last Sunday, according to a report by a local ABC news station.
TV embodies our fear of the dark, of night. Just so. Imagine taking a peek at your Henrico County home surveillance footage to find a TV-headed version of Deadmau5 tiptoeing up the porch steps to deliver a vintage television. Pardon me, though, homeowner Jim Brooksbank told WTVR-TV that the person wants to be called “TV Santa Clause.”
"We got an old tube-style TV, 13 inch," Brooksbank said, per the report. Ho, ho, tHrOwback.
If we’re going with Santa’s theme here, police suspect that the culprit has elves. Henrico Police Lt. Matt Pecka told WTVR-TV that more than one screen-faced person was dropping off bizarre packages to “the majority of homes throughout the community.”
You may think that the whole county is perplexed, but the folks of Henrico know this hyper-specific plight all too well. That’s because it already happened last year, on a smaller scale.
"I think it's just a prank," said homeowner Michael Kroll. “Some college students who are just bored.”
Brooksbank said that the police did a good job of cleaning up the TVs, though we’re not certain what they’ll do with ‘em. Goodwill won’t even take them anymore.
And I pray that soon enough AirPods will become vintage, and some masked youngster will leave a pair at my door.