Great news for humans and possibly primates with knowledge of simple tools: Nintendo is finally releasing a mobile version of Mario Kart.
Nintendo announced on Wednesday via Twitter that the game will be called Mario Kart Tour, but unfortunately didn't provide much information beyond that. We know that it'll be available on both iOS and Android phones and tablets by March 2019, that it'll feature handymen, royalty, and animals, and that you'll now have to avoid actual bananas peels on the street as you avoid virtual banana peels in the game, which sounds positively invigorating.
Please Don't Hang Up: Miami
Mario has been having something of a moment of late. There are rumors of a movie in the works, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe was released for the Nintendo Switch last year, and there's been some weirdly intense discourse over his nipples.
That's our cultural moment: We dredge the past, give pure and beautiful things an update, and then we promptly make it weird.
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