Sex is frequently awkward. Body parts are going everywhere, the lines of communication are often blurry, and modern society -- in its relentless, ass-backwards idiocy -- does everything in its power to dissuade you from thinking it's a perfectly normal part of life. That inherent misunderstanding is what leads us to the kind of stressed-out Googling that results in studies like this one from AskMen, revealing "the most-searched sex positions by state."
AskMen created the study using localized information from Google AdWords broken down at the state level and an existing list of standard sex positions. To be clear, the results are fascinating. Here are some of the top takeaways...
"Doggy-style" is a universal constant. This position is beloved by the nation as a whole as the most-searched position nationwide, according to the study. It is also the most-searched position in 18 states total. This probably has something to do with how -- ahem -- animalistic it feels and, to quote Thrillist colleague Megan Drillinger, how "it directly hits the G-spot and adds a tasteful level of raunch."
Washington, DC's home to some filthy animals. The nation's capital had a whopping four times the average searches for sex positions as the average state. This seems to bemuse the AskMen researchers ("I have no clue what's going on in DC"), but honestly should make perfect sense to literally anyone who's heard of the show House of Cards -- or Game of Thrones for that matter. Say it with me: Politicians. Screw. A. Lot.
"Woman on top" is a big favorite. It didn't clinch the popular vote nationwide, but it did take favorite position in more states than doggy-style did, as the most-searched position in 29 states.
"Face-sitting" is big in New Jersey and Massachusetts. Props to these states for worshipping a BDSM mainstay! Now, please, make all the Patriots and Chris Christie jokes you want.
Indiana is the only state to call the "69" its favorite. Nice.
Missouri loves something called the "crisscross." This actually prompted a friend of mine to Gchat me, in genuine bemusement: "WTF is a crisscross?" (Pinterest has the answer.)
Hopefully we all learned something from the data on how people (probably freaking out about sex) Google sex positions in different places today. The full results, plus a few smaller takeaways, are broken down in the charts below. I wouldn't recommend you change up your game based on any of this info, though. You should fuck the way you and your partner feel comfortable fucking.
In matters of the heart, as in matters of life, it pays off to heed the admittedly-out-of-context words of great Brazilian lyricist and novelist Paulo Coelho: "When two bodies meet, it is just the cup overflowing."
Anything else is noise. If you are interested in switching things up, here are some fun and easy sex positions to try out.