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Naked Florida Man Burns House Down Trying to Bake Cookies on George Foreman Grill

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There's nothing like a sweet story of Floridian chaos. In the last installment of adventures with Florida men, we brought you the convenience store alligator. In a prior chapter, we documented a Florida man who praised the meme gods when confronted with a hurricane. Now, though, we welcome a newcomer to the cretinous ranks of Florida men -- a very intoxicated naked man who burned down his house while trying to bake cookies on a George Foreman grill. 

His nudity only describes half of the weirdness. According to a local report from Northwest Florida Daily News, the man admitted to drinking two liters of vodka and smoking marijuana since 9 a.m. that morning. The blaze started when our foolhardy hero decided to bake cookies on a George Foreman grill. According to authorities, he left the cookies unattended for too long, and the grill eventually caught fire. He attempted to put the fire out with dry towels, but those quickly became enveloped by the blaze, too. 

When the fire department showed up at the scene, the man opened the door, uttered the words "I'm sorry," and proceeded to shut the door again. The police eventually escorted him from the inferno, while fire fighters put on oxygen masks to battle the flames. The fire department said he likely would have died from excess smoke inhalation had he not left the building. The man, on the other hand, was too blitzed to notice. 

The moral of the story: Florida is still the worst state in the union. But maybe it's the best.

h/t The Takeout

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Sam Blum is a News Staff Writer for Thrillist. He's also a martial arts and music nerd who appreciates a fine sandwich and cute dogs. Find his clips in The Guardian, Rolling Stone, The A.V. Club and Esquire. He's on Twitter @Blumnessmonster.