We don’t know the full story of the naked man and the milk. We know only that, when these two things are combined in a kitchen owned by a person that does not know the naked man, there becomes a Serious Issue.
The Serious Issue started on Monday morning, when a Pennsylvania man heard someone singing inside his home. He entered the kitchen to find a naked man singing... while drinking milk.
I know what you’re thinking…. the Serious issue is trespassing. But that’s not it. The issue is that he was drinking milk straight, which is pretty gross. But this situation did, indeed, occur. And as a biased journalist who does not believe in using first person or expressing my opinions, I will tell this short tale for you.
Erie police say the homeowner heard the singing around 3am, according to ABC News. The homeowner went to investigate with a pistol by his side. You can imagine the rest: Floor. Naked man on Floor, drinking milk (*shivers* *shrugs off repulsion and poker faces at computer screen*).
We don’t know what the man was singing, but my guess is “99 Bottles,” or Cappadonna’s “Milk the Cow.”
The homeowner then called the police, who took the unidentified man into custody. Nobody knew at the time of the report how he entered the house in the first place, nor how long he’d been there.
There were no injuries, and the investigation is ongoing, per the report. There's also no word on why -- out of everything presumably in the fridge -- the naked man chose milk.