You Can Now Name a Strand of Guy Fieri's Hair for $10
This is the future we've created together and now we all just have to deal with it: You can pay to name a hair on Guy Fieri's derided/beloved head.
This chance of a lifetime comes from the aptly named website Fieri's Follicles, through which you can name hair on either the beard or head of the host of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. A single hair will cost you $10, "binary" hairs run $15, and a "constellation" can be had for a reasonable $20. And honestly all of that sounds like a bargain.
The purchase will be accompanied by an official certificate from the Fieri Follicle Federation, a welcome letter, and, best of all, "Two tickets to Flavortown."
The website, however, is careful to clarify: "Fieri's Follicles makes no legal claim to officially assigning names to hairs on Guy Fieri's head or Goatee. Only Guy Fieri has the authority to assign names to his hairs and it would be totally weird if he started doing that."
Other than being absolutely absurd and utterly unaffiliated with the Mayor of Flavortown, the service is pretty legit. Consider this section from its FAQ: "we did some research into the average number of hairs on a human head and a human goatee. Those numbers added up to about 115,000. So, each and every hair you name gets logged into a database we made of 115,000. We work like a Name-A-Star registry, you give us any name you want, we register it in our database, and send you a certificate. The fun part is with us, you're naming a bleach blonde whisp of perfection rather than a flaming ball of hydrogen in space."
If you decide to purchase one or several of these hairs, you'll be able to pay via credit card or PayPal, and a portion of the proceeds will go to Fieri's nonprofit Cooking with Kids, which encourages kids to learn to cook.
Frankly, you can't afford not to buy it.