Imagine a world where a giant comet didn't strike the Earth 65 million years ago (alternatively, whatever killed the dinosaurs didn't happen). Humans never appeared on the planet because dinosaurs kept dominating and didn't leave room for mammals to evolve. So, we're all dinosaurs and instead of beer at the bar, maybe ranch comes out of the taps. This could have been our world!
It can partially be our world! In honor of National Ranch Day, Hidden Valley Ranch has announced that it will put ranch on tap at a bunch of bars in New York City. It's sort of the next logical step to the kegs of ranch it has previously released, as long as you can first accept that there was any kind of logic behind putting dressing in a keg in the first place.
The Hidden Valley Ranch on Tap Tour will take place on May 13 during American Craft Beer Week, and it all vaguely makes sense because ranch is obviously best suited to bar food. The New York bars that will be on the bar crawl include Emmy's Squared, Central Bar, and Sweetwater Social.
If that's appealing to you, the company is releasing up to 30 VIP tickets for the "Tap Tour" hosted by comedian Fortune Feimster on March 10 at 9pm. That VIP access will include free food, gear, and an abundance of ranch dressing. If you're on the tour, you probably won't have to deal with any ranch-haters, either. You go ahead and put that dressing on ice cream or whatever it is that satisfies your undying love of ranch. Go for it.