New Jersey Declared Itself the 'Pizza Capital of the World' & the Responses Are Brutal

Before we get started I must disclose that, as a newborn, my Bronx-born relatives rocked me in my cradle singing "It's the wahtuh" over and over until I was brainwashed. That's why, when New Jersey declared itself the pizza capital of the world on Friday, I responded with a comment about how NYC pizza has to be the best, because of our unparalleled... water.

Thing is, I don't know if I really even believe that. I was raised right outside of NYC, but I've chomped down on some crispy dough in Texas, and inhaled a euro slice in Amsterdam, and, sure, the best of NYC pizza is maybe the best I've had, but the worst of NYC pizza is also the worst I've had. 

Please don't disown me, mom, because all of this is to say that my actual experiences with pizza don't really matter. If you ask me who deserves the title of pizza capital of the world I'm going to say NYC, because... well, because screw anyone who disagrees with me? You see, the word "pizza" triggers in New Yorkers what lies dormant just beneath the skin -- an exclamation of NYC's pizza superiority, ever-ready to be delivered with reckless, Bronx-accented abandon. 

Now, my dear readers, look inside yourselves! What is vibrating in there as you read this Tweet from @NJgov?

Here I make the argument that our nationwide pizza debate is just a love language to the place we call home, not a reflection of quality. My proof is that NJ thinks they are the best -- which is very cute -- and that people outside of NY actually think pizza in their area is king. Haha! Scoff with me and enjoy these brutal and hilarious reactions:

Now witness my NY brethren getting possessed by the same devil who compels me to scream at my kind NJ relatives at Thanksgiving dinner:

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