Here's an $85 Rock You Should Probably Buy

Published On 12/07/2016 Published On 12/07/2016
nordstrom rock

You can't reinvent the wheel, but you can sure as hell try to reinvent the pet rock. The rock above is real and costs $85 from Nordstrom. What's it for? Even the description at their site isn't sure. "A paperweight? A conversation piece? A work of art? It's up to you," reads the description.

It's not clear if Internet snark that's been going around actually helped the "Los Angeles-area stone" find its intended audience or if the mépris caught up with it, but it's no longer available on the Nordstrom site. It had been on sale as recently as Tuesday afternoon. 

Adding to the mystery is that Nordstrom has removed the reviews as well. Earlier Tuesday, the page was littered hilarious reviews. Like one rock owner who was not happy with what he received. "I ordered the leather wrapped stone as a gift for my beloved girlfriend," the reviewer writes, "but when it arrived in the mail I quickly noticed it wasn’t as described. It clearly states that the stone was hand-made but upon inspection one could easily discern many markings from factory machinery. I had it returned so they could ship me an authentic hand-made stone."

It prompted a Nordstrom spokeswoman to tell Buzzfeed that the handmade part of the description was in reference to the pouch. The rocks? Well, they're rocks. Real rocks.

Other reviews might have been ribbing the retailer. For instance, one reviewer who goes by FredDingus wrote in a three-star review, "Have to say that this is a truly beautiful product, but I had to send it back because there aren't any doggone instructions. I don't even know how to turn the flippin thing on. I know you millenials know how to do all this new techno stuff, but help some of us old guys out, would ya?"

A five-star review reads, "As a single mother, it is often difficult to put food on the table for my 5 children. However, when I saw this piece of rock, I couldn't help it but to purchase this item. Yes, no one in my family will eat this month, however I have a piece of rock. The leather pouch wrapping the rock is just added bonus. I can't believe the rock is made by hand too! I was always told rocks were made through thousands of years erosion, guess I was wrong. This just goes to show how flawed our education system is! (all of my children are home-schooled for this very reason!) I would definitely recommend this piece of rock to all of my friends and family."

Or, "rock make all grak friend jealous best rock in village. rock work for hitting things. rock look nice in pouch to wear for hunt or night out with mrs grak. rock cost much but grak get what grak pay for."

h/t Metro

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Dustin Nelson is a News Writer with Thrillist. He holds a Guinness World Record but has never met the fingernail lady. He’s written for Sports Illustrated, Rolling Stone, Men’s Journal, The Rumpus, and other digital wonderlands. Follow him @dlukenelson.