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You'll Regret Something You Do at Your Office Holiday Party, New Research Says

Office Christmas Party
Office Christmas Party | Dreamworks Pictures
Office Christmas Party | Dreamworks Pictures

We're fairly certain that the "kid in a candy shop" idiom was actually derived from "co-workers at an open bar." There is a particular mania that comes along with imbibing in the presence of your colleagues, and the fact that you presumably drink in bars with your peers on a regular basis has no bearing on your fundamental inability to exercise self-control like the human adult you are at company events.

But, of course, of all the corporate functions out there, there is nothing so holy as your office holiday party. Secrets are revealed! Resentments fester! Love prevails! And according to new research, one in three of you will do something immediately regrettable before the night ends. 

A 2018 study by OnePoll and Evite involving 2,000 current office employees determined that there are actually quite a few things we can predict about your company holiday party, according to the a report by the NY Post (statistics don't lie). Per the research, 40% of employees will witness some piece of office drama unfold, and 37% will see some sort of intra-office hookup. The average person will also learn a whopping seven pieces of hot company-related gossip throughout the course of the evening. To be clear, seven is so many gossips

The research then went on to indicate that your seemingly shy, deferential coworkers rely on these annual charades as an opportunity to "let loose," if you will. It is, of course, one of few occasions in which it's acceptable to pound shots before interacting with your professional contacts. Results showed that 35% of polled workers had seen a reserved colleague become... less reserved at a holiday party. 

“Anything can happen at an office holiday party, which is why it’s no surprise that the majority of employees look forward to it every year," Julian Clark, Evite’s in-house party specialist, explained in a press release. Never mind the fact that "in-house party specialist" sounds like a bad Tinder bio, Clark actually knows what he's talking about. And according to his research, a Friday night is the preferred time for a holiday party: In the aftermath of weekday ragers, 35% of employees will show up late the next morning, and 17% won't show up at all. 

So this year, as you anxiously wait for the booziest of corporate events, prepare yourself to find love, learn secrets, establish enemies, and probably damage your professional reputation in some way. Happy holidays. 

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Eliza Dumais is a news writer at Thrillist who regrets most company-wide functions. Follow her on Twitter for proof.