Look, if all you eat is bacon dipped in tubs of garlic butter, you're gonna love life. But your life won't be long. That's why you can't do that. With the head-spinning number of diets out there, however, it's hard to know what diet is really best. Fad diets periodically pop up -- remember how hot Atkins was 10 years ago? -- and right now, Paleo and Whole30 are as hot as any.
Except they're both total crap.
US News and World Report analyzed 38 popular diets using a panel of health experts, weighing a diet's effectiveness based on short-term and long-term weight loss; easy of following the diet; how well it fit current nutrition standards; health risks it may pose; and its ability to combat diabetes and as a heart disease. Of the 38 diets included in the "Best Diets Overall" ranking, the Whole30 Diet came in dead last, while the going Paleo tied for second-to-last with the Dukan Diet. That's the one where you eat nothing but Ryu's fireballs for a month (it's not).
If you're unfamiliar with Whole30, well, it basically puts you on a cleanse for a month, with no cheat days, and eliminates sugar, alcohol, grains, legumes, processed foods, cheating substitutes (think vegan cookies), and basically anything you enjoy. Paleo, meanwhile, has many similar guidelines, eschewing dairy and carbohydrates of all sorts and focusing meats and vegetables. It's also the diet of choice for Crossfitters, the workout fiends who love talking about how they eat nothing but steak and greens while they show you blisters they developed while doing 70 kip-ups in a row.