According to the Essex County Fire and Rescue Service, the tortoise knocked over a heat lamp and "set his bedding alight," triggering the alarms and subsequent flooding of on-call firefighter crew members. No report on whether this movement was an act of passion, or if a tortoise is just, like, dumb.
"This 45 year old tortoise might look angry," it says on the rescue service's Facebook page. "But it's his lucky day." The event concluded happily, and Watch Manager Gary Wain told BBC that the tortoise "will now hopefully continue to live a long and happy life."
But will he? While the event concluded happily, we are haunted by the image of a land-dweller's indignant scowl, and a gaze which shifts suspiciously between squinted lids. Can a reptile's core rot like those of human snakes? What of the tortoise's soul, and does it deserve his owner's festive forgiveness? Look into his eyes and decide for yourself.