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Here's What Porn People Search For Over the Holiday Season

Published On 12/20/2016 Published On 12/20/2016

Christmas spirit seems to envelop everything this time of year, including porn. That’s right, pornography is not spared from the onslaught of cheer -- it merely incorporates it -- woven into the holiday fabric like stocking stuffers filled with lube. We learn this from great hedonists at Porn Hub, who compiled a little report detailing the most common searches on the site during the festive period.  

Unsurprisingly, horny people search for “Santa,” not unlike a child does on the evening of December 24. Searches for “Santa” increased by 447% compared to its equilibrium, the research found, while searches for “Christmas Present” surged to 665% of their normal levels. “Dick in a box” is also a holiday favorite, calling to mind the horniest Lonely Island song ever to appear on the internet.

Porn Hub

Men are more likely to search for Christmas porn -- probably because men watch porn when they’re not supposed to -- but women are 220% more likely to search for “Old Santa Claus” than men. (It seems that Santa becomes a grandfatherly DILF every December.) Men also yearn for some Mrs. Claus-play, plugging in searches for “Christmas MILF,” “Christmas Mom,” “Mrs Claus” and even “Christmas Stepmom.” (Note: Men are weird and so is porn).

Somewhat surprisingly, Porn Hub maintains that “Santa Claus” is a more popular search term outside of the Christmas season, although the name skyrockets 374% on Christmas Day. Predictably, traffic plummets worldwide for Porn Hub on Christmas Day, the site notes, because lots of people are probably in church, where pornography is frowned upon.

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Sam Blum would like to know if Hanukkah porn searches increase 500% during the festival of lights. Follow him @Blumnessmonster

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