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President Obama Pardons His Final Turkey With Deluge of Dad Jokes

Published On 11/23/2016 Published On 11/23/2016

President Barack Obama pardoned his eighth and final turkey Wednesday afternoon. Traditionally, the sitting U.S. president pardons a turkey the day before Thanksgiving as a way of spreading hope, thankfulness, and emphasizing a belief in second chances. However, Obama also uses the presidential pardon as a pulpit for puns.

"For the last seven years," said Obama from the Rose Garden lectern, "I've established another tradition: Embarrassing my daughters with a corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys." Proved his point in a single sentence. "This year," he continued, "they had a scheduling conflict. Actually, they just couldn't take my jokes anymore." 

His daughters weren't there with him this year, but he was joined by his nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson who, unlike his daughters and their dad-joke embarrassment, "have not yet been turned cynical by Washington."

What follows is seven minutes of self-satisfied dad jokes that were actually pretty good, as far as dad jokes go. There's certainly low-hanging fruit ("No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."), but he gets points for saying he's turning his attention from "polls to poultry" and for pulling out all the stops. "I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this. We're not leaving any room for leftovers." Swish.

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Dustin Nelson is a News Writer with Thrillist. He holds a Guinness World Record, but has never met the fingernail lady. He’s written for Sports Illustrated, Rolling Stone, Men’s Journal, The Rumpus, and other digital wonderlands. Follow him @dlukenelson.

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