These Horny Thieves Stole 30,000 Condoms From a Sex Toy Company

At first blush, it sounds like an act of thievery that would make any sex education instructor swell with pride. But on closer inspection, the plot takes a darkened, very horny turn. 

The Swedish sex-toy manufacturer LELO was the victim of two separate burglaries last weekend that saw bandits purloin 30,000 condoms from the company's Las Vegas warehouse. Not content with their latex bounty, though, the randy bastards came back the next day, after their initial act: CCTV footage caught them stealing an additional 33 prostate massagers (a.k.a. butt plugs) and 48 kegel beads on Saturday, according to a long and rather eloquent blogpost documenting the saga on LELO's website. 

This particular heist -- as with all heists -- was rather pointless, as the company was on the cusp of a condom giveaway before the bandits made off with their horny spoils. As LELO explains: 

"And you know the dumbest part of this? In a few days we’re about to give away THOUSANDS of HEX™ condoms for free anyway. They could have just waited and asked for them like everyone else, instead of ruining the paintwork on a perfectly good SUV. The floodgates of free condoms are about to open. (Probably because the floodgates were left open by Alan. Yeah nice one Alan. Why don’t you go on, like, your fourth break this hour.)"

Now, the company is asking anyone who might know about the thieves' whereabouts to contact the Las Vegas Police Department. If the LVPD has a Missing Butt Plugs Investigations unit, we imagine it should be quite busy. 

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Sam Blum is a News Staff Writer for Thrillist. He's also a martial arts and music nerd who appreciates a fine sandwich and cute dogs. Find his clips in The Guardian, Rolling Stone, The A.V. Club and Vice. He's on Twitter @Blumnessmonster.